It's the Small Stuff from a Great God

So, I just wanted to take a few minutes to jot down the thankful feelings running through my head.... God is GOOD, he is SO GOOD!!! I went into the summer unsure of just how I would physically make it through having my boys full time... With back pain and nerve pain/sciatica running down one leg at almost all times it seemed like it was going to be a pretty challenging summer with 2 super active little boys... I asked the Lord to please strengthen me for the task and help me not only get through it but ENJOY it... I claimed a verse for myself early on this summer... Romans 15:13 "Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing (another NIV says as you TRUST IN HIM), that you may ABOUND (overflow) in hope by the power of the holy spirit." I came across it and said Lord, that is what I want to have your JOY and PEACE at all times... regardless of circumstances... because I have seen firsthand how quickly they can change and how little control I really have over any of it... I also thought Lord, Christyn (human, selfish) in my own strength cannot overflow with joy when it hurts to get out of bed and walk to make my coffee to help me face the day... but this verse told me something different...I CAN, by the power of the Holy Spirit... So I claimed it right then. I have prayed it many of days and especially on the rough days... and it's amazing how the Lord wants to fill us with his joy and peace if we will only claim it... no matter WHAT trials we face... So, oh my, how God answered my every prayer... He totally not only gave me strength and many good days in between the hard ones... but I LOVED this summer... I loved lazy mornings with the boys instead of rushing to the gym first thing as I once did... I loved doing my stretches on the living room floor while they bounced the ball and themselves around me and we chatted endlessly.. I loved how they were so patient to allow me to do my little stretching routine before I was able to get moving... I loved our long days at the pool together and trying lots of new recipes with them at my side... I loved watching my boys play ball with Jay so many nights. I slowed down and soaked them in, oh how thankful I am to a God who enabled me to do this... And amidst having some rough days, overall I am doing so much better physically. Here are the small things I praise God for that I've been able to do in the last month or so... -SIT and cuddle on the couch with my boys rather than needing to lay down while they cuddle with Jay at night... -SIT through jenga games pain free with each of them, rather than laying down or sitting through the pain.. -REACH and PAINT my toe nails without pure torture... -WEAR flat, non supportive CUTE shoes with my skinny jeans rather than my bulky super not so stylish rainbows... SUPER YAY!!! -DRIVE on 2 road trips, riding alone used to be hard but I could recline... driving was a different story... but I drove to and from COLA and HILTON HEAD ALONE with minimal pain, praise GOD for that... -Spent 4 days ALONE with my boys at the beach and had the most wonderful time, never would have thought it would be possible for me at the beginning of the summer... Have been able to walk several times a week on my treadmill 20-30 minutes... once that was NOTHING to me, but now it is SUCH an awesome workout for me :) I was told this may be the way things would be forever, sought so many opinions, to no avail... I finally came to a point at the end of the road and gave this battle to the Lord. I also had to learn and did learn, that regardless of the outcome, HE IS GOOD... and He would provide... He was giving me the best thing possible for my life at the time, and He alone knows what I need most, so I trust HIM. And I have to say that from that point on, things have only gotten better... He is SO GOOD... He wants us to trust HIM and HIM ALONE. Anyhow, THANK YOU LORD for the small stuff! I am so thankful for the healing you've given me and trust you for more to come! Romans 8:18 "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing to the glory that is going to be revealed to us. For the creation eagerly awaits with anticipation God's sons to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to futility (that means a sense of no purpose, or lack of usefulness, which I definitely have experienced in the past 2 years) and not willingly-but because of HIM who subjected it in the HOPE that the creation itself will also be SET FREE from the bondage of corruption into the glorious FREEDOM of God's children... One more verse I came across that made me say, WOW... this is the story of this experience... Pre pain-I was in bondage of feeling I wanted to look/be physically a certain way, an issue I had struggled with for years...It overtook me and though I loved the Lord, I could not serve Him or be the light for HIM that I should be when I was always focused and worried about myself. I am FREED of this, I can now use my energy to focus on what's most important, MY GOD, and my family and sharing as much with others as I can about the one and only TRUE God!

Easter 2012

Better late than never! Here are some pics from Easter at Nanny and Grandaddy's... My boys were SO handsome this year if I do say so myself!

Letter from Jayce's 7th Bday -3/31/12

Wow, I JUST realized how behind I really am... I had typed this bday letter to Jayce on his bday (good for me), but never got it onto the blog... so here it is and maybe one day I can catch up on my pics too :) March 31,

2012 Dear Jayce, You are seven today, and I CANNOT believe it! I know I say this every year, but I can remember you being born just as if it were yesterday… Wow, how God has blessed us with you. You are a natural born leader Jayce. You love to “lead” the other kids playing in the backyard, as I hear you so often say “Come on guys, let’s do this/that…” You have inherited this from your daddy! I pray every day that the Lord will use this skill in your life to glorify Him. One day you could do much for Him with this, if you are obedient . You are a tough little guy when it comes to the boys, but you have a very tender side to you. You love your mommy and in fact, 2 days ago, on your knees with the plush rose you picked out for me from Target a year ago, asked me to marry you. It was the sweetest thing ever! Also, while playing in the yard yesterday, you made me a cross with 2 limbs and a piece of tape and brought it to me beaming, “I have something for you momma…’I think both of these instances I cried those happy tears that I tell you mommy only cries when I’m super happy. Just recently Jayce, mommy has discovered your “love language.” There are days that we have struggled, many children do to remember who God designed to be in charge… the parents  I’ve tried many things with you to show you my love and hope you see God’s through me… and in return want to honor us as He commands. None has worked quite so well as spending simple quality time with you (no cell phone, no laundry, no distractions)… We have always spent lots of time together, but I’m talking about a daily period of undivided attention from mommy or daddy. This is a challenge with little brother around, but we have found ways to make it work and my how it does seem to make all the difference! When your needs for love are being met, you are a different child than when they’re not. Mommy is sorry that for years, I’ve missed that. But, it’s taken me a while to figure it out, and now I pray this is what continues to strengthen our relationship, as it’s a blessing to me just as much. Just this past week, we’ve had time on the back porch drinking root beer floats, spent time together eating a popsicle, went on a special date to Mellow Mushroom… Yes, all of these have involved food, as you do LOVE to eat! But the key is, special time where all my attention is on you. Your daddy just took you to a PC baseball game against Liberty where you and he had the whole day together! This seems to be what you love, and again we love these special times just as much! You are doing super in first grade and have made President’s List each 9 weeks, with all A’s! We are SO PROUD of you! You learn so quickly and are constantly teaching mommy things I did not know, or had forgotten since my school days  You are playing baseball and doing great! You hit the ball really well and are now playing catcher, which you seem to really enjoy! We love to watch you play and are SO proud of you! Jayce, a few days ago, you told me that there is a certain song you sing in school that makes you cry every time you sing it… it is “Amazing Grace.” We were singing it together and you told me that the part you cry each time is “I once was lost but now am found, was blind but now I see.” You asked me why, I said that I believe that Jesus is speaking to you and the Holy Spirit is working in your heart. I know the Lord is doing some amazing things in your life buddy, and how honored I am that he’s chosen me to be your mother! I pray for you each and every day, and as long as I have breath, I will continue  I love you sweet boy, and am honored the Lord chose me to have the awesome privilege to teach you about Him (Ephesians 3:14-20). Love, Mommy

Letter from Jayce's 7th Bday -3/31/12

Wow, I JUST realized how behind I really am... I had typed this bday letter to Jayce on his bday (good for me), but never got it onto the blog... so here it is and maybe one day I can catch up on my pics too :) March 31, 2012 Dear Jayce, You are seven today, and I CANNOT believe it! I know I say this every year, but I can remember you being born just as if it were yesterday… Wow, how God has blessed us with you. You are a natural born leader Jayce. You love to “lead” the other kids playing in the backyard, as I hear you so often say “Come on guys, let’s do this/that…” You have inherited this from your daddy! I pray every day that the Lord will use this skill in your life to glorify Him. One day you could do much for Him with this, if you are obedient . You are a tough little guy when it comes to the boys, but you have a very tender side to you. You love your mommy and in fact, 2 days ago, on your knees with the plush rose you picked out for me from Target a year ago, asked me to marry you. It was the sweetest thing ever! Also, while playing in the yard yesterday, you made me a cross with 2 limbs and a piece of tape and brought it to me beaming, “I have something for you momma…’I think both of these instances I cried those happy tears that I tell you mommy only cries when I’m super happy. Just recently Jayce, mommy has discovered your “love language.” There are days that we have struggled, many children do to remember who God designed to be in charge… the parents  I’ve tried many things with you to show you my love and hope you see God’s through me… and in return want to honor us as He commands. None has worked quite so well as spending simple quality time with you (no cell phone, no laundry, no distractions)… We have always spent lots of time together, but I’m talking about a daily period of undivided attention from mommy or daddy. This is a challenge with little brother around, but we have found ways to make it work and my how it does seem to make all the difference! When your needs for love are being met, you are a different child than when they’re not. Mommy is sorry that for years, I’ve missed that. But, it’s taken me a while to figure it out, and now I pray this is what continues to strengthen our relationship, as it’s a blessing to me just as much. Just this past week, we’ve had time on the back porch drinking root beer floats, spent time together eating a popsicle, went on a special date to Mellow Mushroom… Yes, all of these have involved food, as you do LOVE to eat! But the key is, special time where all my attention is on you. Your daddy just took you to a PC baseball game against Liberty where you and he had the whole day together! This seems to be what you love, and again we love these special times just as much! You are doing super in first grade and have made President’s List each 9 weeks, with all A’s! We are SO PROUD of you! You learn so quickly and are constantly teaching mommy things I did not know, or had forgotten since my school days  You are playing baseball and doing great! You hit the ball really well and are now playing catcher, which you seem to really enjoy! We love to watch you play and are SO proud of you! Jayce, a few days ago, you told me that there is a certain song you sing in school that makes you cry every time you sing it… it is “Amazing Grace.” We were singing it together and you told me that the part you cry each time is “I once was lost but now am found, was blind but now I see.” You asked me why, I said that I believe that Jesus is speaking to you and the Holy Spirit is working in your heart. I know the Lord is doing some amazing things in your life buddy, and how honored I am that he’s chosen me to be your mother! I pray for you each and every day, and as long as I have breath, I will continue  I love you sweet boy, and am honored the Lord chose me to have the awesome privilege to teach you about Him (Ephesians 3:14-20). Love, Mommy

Happy 5th Birthday Sweet Gabe

Really Gabe? 5? Can it be? I keep telling you to please stay just like you are forever and you just say "momma I wish I could but I have to keep growing up!" I guess you're right but I don't like it one bit! This year we had another pool party for you with your buddies and it was a blast! It was the night before your bday so on your actual bday we had a special bday dinner per your request... egg casserole and jelly toast, with ice cream for dessert... We gave you your gift which was a big boy bike... pictured here and I think it's safe to say you liked it! These are the things I love about you most right now... Your crazy hair when you wake up, your sweet smile when you see me first thing in the am, the way you call for me any time I'm not in sight (it also can sometimes get a little aggravating but deep down I love it)..., the way you stare in the mirror and make funny expressions, the way you tell me over and over how much you like something I make when you really like it, the way you raise your eyebrows up and down and up and down to make me laugh, the way you still suck your thumb and rub your ear when you're tired... btw, that is our resolution for this year of life, to say goodbye to that ole habit...The way you love Life cereal, cheese, and egg casserole... and yep folks that's about it! And of course, the way you cannot stand to be without your sidekick, Jayce... as much as you fight these days, you really do love each other... You are absolutely an entertainer, you love to be the center of attention and really love to imitate others and get a laugh from us! You love to dance and when you do your true colors show, you are DEFINITELY white! You are still my little singing boy and sing all throughout the day! I LOVE LOVE LOVE you Gabriel Taylor and cannot imagine our lives without you! I want to always remember you at this age and seriously would freeze you right here if I could! Although I look forward to seeing how you grow this year :) Mommy

MY SCRIPTURE PRAYER FOR MY BOYS

So I'm reading this morning in my quiet time and found THE PERFECT WORDS to describe exactly what I desire for my boys... I try to explain to Jay often that I have such a desire to teach my boys of God's love for them... I do not want them to feel that He's a set of rules and regulations, as I think so often can be the case when He's misunderstood. And with children, we have to have rules, yet I want them to do certain things because they LOVE Him, not because it's a rule, so it's a hard balance. The Lord's love is so amazing and full of grace for us, as imperfect humans. Yet, I believe that when one really grasps it, how great His Love is for us, they will have a desire and want to do things that please Him... Just like how we love our kids and want to do good things for them..., that's how our love should be for the Lord... I've found so much freedom in personally experiencing the difference it makes when I do things for the Lord not out of duty then when I do them because I WANT to honor Him because I LOVE Him!

I just thought this passage sums up what I want for them and I wanted to share it with any of you who may not have seen it before...it JUMPED out at me today!

Ephesians 3:14-20
"For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named. That He would grant you (Jayce and Gabe), according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in their inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts (in the hearts of Jayce and Gabe) through faith, that you (Jayce and Gabe), being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height-to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you (Jayce and Gabe) may be filled with all the fullness of God."

and when it's a rough day and I am wondering if my prayers are ever going to make a difference, I'll remind myself

"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen."

Update

SO, my lumbar MRI came out clean, other than scoliosis, which we already knew I had, and uneven leg lengths... again already knew this...
HOWEVER, we finally have a good possibility as to what it might be, the SI joint appears to be dysfunctional, which is below the bottom vertebrae of the spine that connects the spine to the tailbone... There is no way to see this on screen in xrays or MRI's as it doesn't show up there. But, the symptoms I have are supposedly very similar to it and it causes radiating pain into the lower back and down the leg on one side... They've given me a steroid injection into the joint and I'm unable to tell yet if that will bring relief... They are able to do more later, although I'm hoping to be able to find some exercises to strengthen and correct the actual problem instead of having to continue to take these... but one day at a time... I'm hopeful they have indeed pinpointed the issue and at least now we now what we're dealing with. If it is this, from what I can tell, it can be a chronic problem for many, yet some have had success in getting it to a manageable point, with less pain, and moderate activity... I'm praying for the latter... or better yet, the Lord will heal my body totally of this if it's part of His plan for me.

In Christ Alone Worship Video with Lyrics

STAY STRONG NEWSBOYS...

BEWARE:Long post but PLEASE READ THIS!!!

February 23, 2012
I had this song in my head this morning... Little did I know that so many of the verses I've been dwelling on the past two years would be all throughout the video, now I love it even more!

I'm headed to the Southeastern Spine Center this am for a consultation... For those of you who don't know, I've been dealing with chronic leg/back pain for the past 2 years that has been life changing to say the least...It began with a pulled hamstring that just never seemed to heal right, followed by me lifting a heavy box of tiles and injuring my back to being in a wreck several months later... The symptoms began in my leg, then worked down to my toes on the left side with a strange numbness and tingling sensation. They have now turned more painful in the leg and back. I cannot sit for long periods due to pain in my back, but cannot walk without my leg hurting...It's quite a dilemna... The times I feel best are flat on my back which is certainly no way to be throughout the day, nor would it be possible for me to remain there with my 2 active boys! I say this not for a pity party but because the Lord has impressed it upon my heart to share my story- however, whenever I can, to be used to glorify Him.

Am I dying? Well, yes, we all are but as of now, I have not received a life threatening diagnosis... Yet, I have lost my "Life" as I knew it..Please do not misunderstand, things could be oh so much worse and I am blessed beyond measure... but here's the deal...my story, and I want to share it for anyone who may need to hear it right now...

A little background, for the past nearly 20 years I'd been a very active person, many times too active... Many times too obsessed with the hours I was working out and the amount of calories I was burning that the truly important things in life were placed on the backburner to my selfishness, my pride, my agenda... I always said 2 things I could not live without each day were Jesus through being in His Word and my workout... Well the Lord has shown me firsthand I was wrong and there should be and only is one FIRST LOVE for me... and that is my Jesus!

At the time of my initial leg injury, I was running 30 miles per week, working out 2 hours per day... I do not say this to boast as looking back, what an IDIOT!!! But, to show you that God has taken me from MUCH to LITTLE in the area I'd made an idol in my life... Not that being fit is a bad thing it's great, but I loved it too much and He wanted me to love HIM most and first and I have learned to do just that. I praise Him for stopping me from the meaningless path I was on. Presently, I am unable to walk my block or even my street some days without feeling pain in my legs and having to go very slowly as my 6 year old innocently yells "Come on mom, you're so slow... can't you keep up?" How hard and how humbling to hear...I smile and tell him "mommy used to be pretty fast and one day in Heaven mommy will be running again, I can keep up with you then if I'm not healed before... But how hard, and how much it hurts now...I watch the families on walks on Sunday afternoons, and the girl jogging and want so badly to feel that again...It hurts to know I cannot sit through a movie anymore with them, I worry whether I can do a zoo field trip with Jayce in a few months due to all the walking/riding... my dream is Disney and to take both my boys as Gabe has never been but right now, riding that long and walking that much seems out of the question... Never in a million years did I think that at 33 year of age, my life would change so drastically... I was the fit mama pushing the double stroller around the block each day... now I need someone pushing me...what's happened to my body?

February 26th
What do the doctors say is always the first question? Well, I've been around the block here in Florence, from family, to orthapaedics, to neurologist, chiropractors, pts, acupuncture, and finally just to a spine specialist in Charleston... Thus far, no one can tell me exactly why this is happening and what I can expect my future to look like, let alone how to treat it... The not knowing might be the hardest part...

For those who know me, you know how I LOVED my workout and being active... For those who don't or don't love it yourselves you may not understand that... At first it was hard to hear I would never run again and would need to stick to low impact... As time has progressed, I've had to learn I may not ever be able to workout again, even harder... Things have worsened in the last two years as I've grown slower and stiffer with time...

Now, what's hard to comprehend is whether I'll continue to lose even more ability and be able to take care of my home and my family...You can all relate to how scary that could be... As my precious mother reminds me "I think Jesus would say don't go there Christyn... one day at a time and trust HIM. So while I have my moments, I come back to HIM and His Peace.

Matthew 6:25-26, 33
"Do not worry about your own life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your BODY, what you will put on. Is not LIFE MORE THAN FOOD and the body more than the clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, YET YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER FEEDS THEM.
33 "For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and HIS righteousness and all these things shall be added to you."

So that's what I do... I seek Him first. I trust in HIM. I NEED HIM as never before. I loved Jesus before but I truly DEPEND on HIM for the strength to roll out of bed many of days... I depend on HIM to keep going although I don't know where I"m going in this life... PRAISE GOD I still can have joy and peace in the midst of this trial because I know where I'm going for eternity and in this life my job is to point others to Him however I can while I can.

John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." The peace that comes from the Lord, surpasses all worldy understanding. Only those who KNOW the Lord and have a relationship with Him know this true peace. This peace says regardless of life's circumstances I can rest because I have a God who's plans are bigger than mine... who sees the big picture and how it's all going to play out, even when I can't... He asks me to trust HIM and I will because John 14:26 "the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you." The Holy Spirit does just this for me, he brings to my remembrance God's precious words that I read each morning at JUST the right time...

Update:
Many unknowns still remain... The spine specialist ran another lumbar spine MRI Thursday and we ride back there tomorrow to receive the results. We pray for answers and for wisdom for the doctors. Please pray with us if you read this...But regardless, GOD IS GOD and I am NOT (love that song too). I still pray for healing if it should be the Lords will for my life and strength as I await His answer...

So why do I share this LONG drawn out story?
2 reasons-
For one to say, please be thankful for your blessings...I only say this because I was not... I thought I was but I have learned that I took so much for granted before I began to lose those things I thought would never leave me, at least not until I was a senior citizen :)
But now, not a day goes by that I don't thank the good Lord for what I CAN still do and my precious family and on the list goes on and on... may I never again take his blessings on my life for granted...

Two,
We all have hard times, this is my story but what is yours? I know you have one...Whatever it is, please know that there is a God up there whether you know Him now or do not who LONGS to be your all, your everything... He MADE you, He LOVES you, He's died for you, He pursues you, He's waited for you if you have not yet come to HIM, and ya'll He is what matters...
He has been and will remain my Rock (my strength when I am weak), Redeemer (the one who's saved me when I could not save myself), my Hope (when all seems lost), my Anchor (when I am shaken by the storm), my Compass (when I am not sure which direction to go), mainly my FRIEND and MY SAVIOR.

If you do not know Him, please come to Him. He is the only one who will never change, who will never let you down. He endures forever! As I'm learning in a Bible study on 1 Peter... "All flesh is as grass, and all the glory of man as the flower of the grass. The grass withers, and the flowers fall away, but the Word of the Lord endures forever!" He's waiting, just tell Him you're ready to accept His gift. He's paid the price, died on the cross and provided a way for us all to spend eternity with Him, all you have to do is acknowledge there's nothing you can do to get there on your own.. It's all His Grace, just accept it and begin a life worth living for! Get into the Bible and find out what true treasure is...it will sustain you through the tough times.

One last passage that has been such an encouragement to me and I hope to you in your own trials:
I Peter 1:6 -9 "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuiness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it be tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love, though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith-the salvation of your souls."

Lastly, I read to my boys tonight about Jonah and how he ran from what the Lord has wanted him to do. The Lord has wanted me to share this story, somehow, somewhere, and I"ve run for a while now... Lord, I'm not one to post alot on FB, I don't want it to sound like I"m complaining, or self-centered.... so make no mistake about it, what I've posted is not to be used for those reasons, but to glorify my Lord Jesus Christ. I will answer to Him one day and He will ask me, What did you do with the opportunities I gave you, above all else, I want to hear "well done, my good and faithful servant." I can and will use this trial as opportunity to share my faith in Him with anyone who will listen.... So I'm done being Jonah and running, I'm all His, I pray you will be too... Please contact me if you have any questions about how you can be :)

There is still one race I'm running, run it with me...
Hebrews 12:1 "Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnare us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the AUTHOR AND FINISHER of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."