So I'm reading this morning in my quiet time and found THE PERFECT WORDS to describe exactly what I desire for my boys... I try to explain to Jay often that I have such a desire to teach my boys of God's love for them... I do not want them to feel that He's a set of rules and regulations, as I think so often can be the case when He's misunderstood. And with children, we have to have rules, yet I want them to do certain things because they LOVE Him, not because it's a rule, so it's a hard balance. The Lord's love is so amazing and full of grace for us, as imperfect humans. Yet, I believe that when one really grasps it, how great His Love is for us, they will have a desire and want to do things that please Him... Just like how we love our kids and want to do good things for them..., that's how our love should be for the Lord... I've found so much freedom in personally experiencing the difference it makes when I do things for the Lord not out of duty then when I do them because I WANT to honor Him because I LOVE Him!
I just thought this passage sums up what I want for them and I wanted to share it with any of you who may not have seen it before...it JUMPED out at me today!
Ephesians 3:14-20
"For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named. That He would grant you (Jayce and Gabe), according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in their inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts (in the hearts of Jayce and Gabe) through faith, that you (Jayce and Gabe), being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height-to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you (Jayce and Gabe) may be filled with all the fullness of God."
and when it's a rough day and I am wondering if my prayers are ever going to make a difference, I'll remind myself
"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen."
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Update
SO, my lumbar MRI came out clean, other than scoliosis, which we already knew I had, and uneven leg lengths... again already knew this...
HOWEVER, we finally have a good possibility as to what it might be, the SI joint appears to be dysfunctional, which is below the bottom vertebrae of the spine that connects the spine to the tailbone... There is no way to see this on screen in xrays or MRI's as it doesn't show up there. But, the symptoms I have are supposedly very similar to it and it causes radiating pain into the lower back and down the leg on one side... They've given me a steroid injection into the joint and I'm unable to tell yet if that will bring relief... They are able to do more later, although I'm hoping to be able to find some exercises to strengthen and correct the actual problem instead of having to continue to take these... but one day at a time... I'm hopeful they have indeed pinpointed the issue and at least now we now what we're dealing with. If it is this, from what I can tell, it can be a chronic problem for many, yet some have had success in getting it to a manageable point, with less pain, and moderate activity... I'm praying for the latter... or better yet, the Lord will heal my body totally of this if it's part of His plan for me.
HOWEVER, we finally have a good possibility as to what it might be, the SI joint appears to be dysfunctional, which is below the bottom vertebrae of the spine that connects the spine to the tailbone... There is no way to see this on screen in xrays or MRI's as it doesn't show up there. But, the symptoms I have are supposedly very similar to it and it causes radiating pain into the lower back and down the leg on one side... They've given me a steroid injection into the joint and I'm unable to tell yet if that will bring relief... They are able to do more later, although I'm hoping to be able to find some exercises to strengthen and correct the actual problem instead of having to continue to take these... but one day at a time... I'm hopeful they have indeed pinpointed the issue and at least now we now what we're dealing with. If it is this, from what I can tell, it can be a chronic problem for many, yet some have had success in getting it to a manageable point, with less pain, and moderate activity... I'm praying for the latter... or better yet, the Lord will heal my body totally of this if it's part of His plan for me.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
STAY STRONG NEWSBOYS...
BEWARE:Long post but PLEASE READ THIS!!!
February 23, 2012
I had this song in my head this morning... Little did I know that so many of the verses I've been dwelling on the past two years would be all throughout the video, now I love it even more!
I'm headed to the Southeastern Spine Center this am for a consultation... For those of you who don't know, I've been dealing with chronic leg/back pain for the past 2 years that has been life changing to say the least...It began with a pulled hamstring that just never seemed to heal right, followed by me lifting a heavy box of tiles and injuring my back to being in a wreck several months later... The symptoms began in my leg, then worked down to my toes on the left side with a strange numbness and tingling sensation. They have now turned more painful in the leg and back. I cannot sit for long periods due to pain in my back, but cannot walk without my leg hurting...It's quite a dilemna... The times I feel best are flat on my back which is certainly no way to be throughout the day, nor would it be possible for me to remain there with my 2 active boys! I say this not for a pity party but because the Lord has impressed it upon my heart to share my story- however, whenever I can, to be used to glorify Him.
Am I dying? Well, yes, we all are but as of now, I have not received a life threatening diagnosis... Yet, I have lost my "Life" as I knew it..Please do not misunderstand, things could be oh so much worse and I am blessed beyond measure... but here's the deal...my story, and I want to share it for anyone who may need to hear it right now...
A little background, for the past nearly 20 years I'd been a very active person, many times too active... Many times too obsessed with the hours I was working out and the amount of calories I was burning that the truly important things in life were placed on the backburner to my selfishness, my pride, my agenda... I always said 2 things I could not live without each day were Jesus through being in His Word and my workout... Well the Lord has shown me firsthand I was wrong and there should be and only is one FIRST LOVE for me... and that is my Jesus!
At the time of my initial leg injury, I was running 30 miles per week, working out 2 hours per day... I do not say this to boast as looking back, what an IDIOT!!! But, to show you that God has taken me from MUCH to LITTLE in the area I'd made an idol in my life... Not that being fit is a bad thing it's great, but I loved it too much and He wanted me to love HIM most and first and I have learned to do just that. I praise Him for stopping me from the meaningless path I was on. Presently, I am unable to walk my block or even my street some days without feeling pain in my legs and having to go very slowly as my 6 year old innocently yells "Come on mom, you're so slow... can't you keep up?" How hard and how humbling to hear...I smile and tell him "mommy used to be pretty fast and one day in Heaven mommy will be running again, I can keep up with you then if I'm not healed before... But how hard, and how much it hurts now...I watch the families on walks on Sunday afternoons, and the girl jogging and want so badly to feel that again...It hurts to know I cannot sit through a movie anymore with them, I worry whether I can do a zoo field trip with Jayce in a few months due to all the walking/riding... my dream is Disney and to take both my boys as Gabe has never been but right now, riding that long and walking that much seems out of the question... Never in a million years did I think that at 33 year of age, my life would change so drastically... I was the fit mama pushing the double stroller around the block each day... now I need someone pushing me...what's happened to my body?
February 26th
What do the doctors say is always the first question? Well, I've been around the block here in Florence, from family, to orthapaedics, to neurologist, chiropractors, pts, acupuncture, and finally just to a spine specialist in Charleston... Thus far, no one can tell me exactly why this is happening and what I can expect my future to look like, let alone how to treat it... The not knowing might be the hardest part...
For those who know me, you know how I LOVED my workout and being active... For those who don't or don't love it yourselves you may not understand that... At first it was hard to hear I would never run again and would need to stick to low impact... As time has progressed, I've had to learn I may not ever be able to workout again, even harder... Things have worsened in the last two years as I've grown slower and stiffer with time...
Now, what's hard to comprehend is whether I'll continue to lose even more ability and be able to take care of my home and my family...You can all relate to how scary that could be... As my precious mother reminds me "I think Jesus would say don't go there Christyn... one day at a time and trust HIM. So while I have my moments, I come back to HIM and His Peace.
Matthew 6:25-26, 33
"Do not worry about your own life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your BODY, what you will put on. Is not LIFE MORE THAN FOOD and the body more than the clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, YET YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER FEEDS THEM.
33 "For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and HIS righteousness and all these things shall be added to you."
So that's what I do... I seek Him first. I trust in HIM. I NEED HIM as never before. I loved Jesus before but I truly DEPEND on HIM for the strength to roll out of bed many of days... I depend on HIM to keep going although I don't know where I"m going in this life... PRAISE GOD I still can have joy and peace in the midst of this trial because I know where I'm going for eternity and in this life my job is to point others to Him however I can while I can.
John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." The peace that comes from the Lord, surpasses all worldy understanding. Only those who KNOW the Lord and have a relationship with Him know this true peace. This peace says regardless of life's circumstances I can rest because I have a God who's plans are bigger than mine... who sees the big picture and how it's all going to play out, even when I can't... He asks me to trust HIM and I will because John 14:26 "the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you." The Holy Spirit does just this for me, he brings to my remembrance God's precious words that I read each morning at JUST the right time...
Update:
Many unknowns still remain... The spine specialist ran another lumbar spine MRI Thursday and we ride back there tomorrow to receive the results. We pray for answers and for wisdom for the doctors. Please pray with us if you read this...But regardless, GOD IS GOD and I am NOT (love that song too). I still pray for healing if it should be the Lords will for my life and strength as I await His answer...
So why do I share this LONG drawn out story?
2 reasons-
For one to say, please be thankful for your blessings...I only say this because I was not... I thought I was but I have learned that I took so much for granted before I began to lose those things I thought would never leave me, at least not until I was a senior citizen :)
But now, not a day goes by that I don't thank the good Lord for what I CAN still do and my precious family and on the list goes on and on... may I never again take his blessings on my life for granted...
Two,
We all have hard times, this is my story but what is yours? I know you have one...Whatever it is, please know that there is a God up there whether you know Him now or do not who LONGS to be your all, your everything... He MADE you, He LOVES you, He's died for you, He pursues you, He's waited for you if you have not yet come to HIM, and ya'll He is what matters...
He has been and will remain my Rock (my strength when I am weak), Redeemer (the one who's saved me when I could not save myself), my Hope (when all seems lost), my Anchor (when I am shaken by the storm), my Compass (when I am not sure which direction to go), mainly my FRIEND and MY SAVIOR.
If you do not know Him, please come to Him. He is the only one who will never change, who will never let you down. He endures forever! As I'm learning in a Bible study on 1 Peter... "All flesh is as grass, and all the glory of man as the flower of the grass. The grass withers, and the flowers fall away, but the Word of the Lord endures forever!" He's waiting, just tell Him you're ready to accept His gift. He's paid the price, died on the cross and provided a way for us all to spend eternity with Him, all you have to do is acknowledge there's nothing you can do to get there on your own.. It's all His Grace, just accept it and begin a life worth living for! Get into the Bible and find out what true treasure is...it will sustain you through the tough times.
One last passage that has been such an encouragement to me and I hope to you in your own trials:
I Peter 1:6 -9 "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuiness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it be tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love, though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith-the salvation of your souls."
Lastly, I read to my boys tonight about Jonah and how he ran from what the Lord has wanted him to do. The Lord has wanted me to share this story, somehow, somewhere, and I"ve run for a while now... Lord, I'm not one to post alot on FB, I don't want it to sound like I"m complaining, or self-centered.... so make no mistake about it, what I've posted is not to be used for those reasons, but to glorify my Lord Jesus Christ. I will answer to Him one day and He will ask me, What did you do with the opportunities I gave you, above all else, I want to hear "well done, my good and faithful servant." I can and will use this trial as opportunity to share my faith in Him with anyone who will listen.... So I'm done being Jonah and running, I'm all His, I pray you will be too... Please contact me if you have any questions about how you can be :)
There is still one race I'm running, run it with me...
Hebrews 12:1 "Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnare us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the AUTHOR AND FINISHER of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Loving Summer
Here are a ton of pictures from the end of the school year to current... Jayce's 5k graduation and Gabe's 3k end of year program, and lots of summer fun (in no particular order as always) :)
We are having the most wonderful summer ever... No structure whatsoever, no alarm clocks, no camps, nowhere to be other than church and a few playdates here and there..., it's great! So what do we do? RELAX!!! We wear our bathing suits almost all day long, I've finally learned that trick after years of washing 3 outfits a day for the boys in the summer... just dress them in them in the morning and keep the suits on unless we're going somewhere! They'll dry out! We love going to Nanny's pool and the summer dollar movies, and we've even taken several road trips to mimi's and the beach! My boys have gotten so much easier this summer! All the sudden we can go to Sunday lunch and ENJOY eating out with them, sit through a movie, travel without fits (most of the time), and pool time is enjoyable rather than nervewrecking! Love my boys at this age!!! Not that have not loved their other ages but it's just fun to be able to do the things I had gotten used to just not doing for a few years... a whole new world with them at this stage it seems!
Gabe's fits are becoming fewer and further apart... and we have definitely made improvement in that department...
They tell Jay and I all the time how much they love us and that we are the "best mommy/daddy ever..." They've learned we like to hear that :)
A few updates:
Jayce lost his first tooth while we were at the beach with our good friends the week after school got out!
Jayce learned to ride his big boy bike the Saturday after it got out!
He is swimming great without swimmies or floaties!
Both boys are really enjoying golf with daddy on summer evenings!
Gabe is very excited about turning 4 in a month, much more excited than his mommy is about it!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
doing something right
So after Spring Break, a field trip to pick strawberries yesterday and a parent teacher conference today, I feel like I'm getting a small dose of what this summer will bring... I'm sleeping great, let's put it that way, and that's huge for me! Having 2 non napping, full speed ahead little boys requires some energy for sure, but I am loving their ages MOST of the time... I love when they are playing together, and I overhear little conversations, they don't know I"m watching... Today after hearing Gabe say he'd hurt his leg and had another boo boo (which he literally is covered... another boy thing), I heard him say "Dear Jesus, can you please make this boo boo go away?" Then he turned around and said "Mom, Jesus said that he's going to make my boo boos go away now." I LOVE that he's doing on his own what I've tried to do with him so many times... something is clicking!
Then later, on a not so great note, Gabe had to give up his t ball practice tonight because he did something I'd told him 2 times not to do already that day and the next consequence was to lose tball... well he had to test, so he lost it...Mind you this was going to be my first break at home in almost 2 weeks and I was desperately looking forward to a quiet house for an hour but gotta do the right thing... He starts having a throw down fit and if you've never seen Gabe throw a fit, it is something... really is... He is literally a crazy boy when it's happening, he's jumping, screaming, running in circles... repeating again and again "I want to go to t ball..." It lasts anywhere from 10-30 usually if at home... If out, from the time we get him in the car until we reach home usually...If at home, I try my best to remain calm and pray out loud while he can hear me "Dear Jesus, please help ME remain calm and help Gabe know that he cannot act this way and that it hurts you and mommy for him to do this, etc..." This is something I started doing a while back after realizing we are supposed to pray to the Lord about ANYTHING that is a problem to us, to bring it to Him.. and after losing my temper and way too many times, I realized prayer could be good for both of us... I then continue to pray quietly and busy myself until he's done...I believe in spanking and time out for certain things but when Gabe is having these... with my recent physical issues with back and leg, I'm just not willing to risk hurting myself worse by trying to constrain him or carry him to his room.. he's a big boy and it's literally dangerous for him to flail around in my arms while he's doing this.. so I just walk away and try my best to pretend there is not a crazy 3 year old in my midst! Eventually, he stops, and returns to sweet Gabe where he says he's sorry and wants hugs... crazy....And it's amazing how when I've spent time with the Lord that day, he will give me a peace as I go through it, to remember, it is a phase and just continue to pray that God will help Gabe love HIM and want to please HIM, children obey your parents :)
In any case, he was balling when Jay picked up Jayce for practice... I knew it would definitely make a mark so that's good...But sweet Jayce saw his brother so sad and I saw him start to wipe under his eyes, he said "Now let's wipe these tears off your face little bro, you got to smile for me..." then he started to make silly faces to make him laugh...
It was here, after the craziness of the fit, the frustration that we had yet ANOTHER one just when things started to seem to be better... that I realized, I'm doing something right... Jayce is the sweetest big brother to Gabe and was so trying to cheer him up... and Gabe, he got it and is ready to play Thursday... assuming no fits between now and then... I love them fits and all, this too shall pass...
Then later, on a not so great note, Gabe had to give up his t ball practice tonight because he did something I'd told him 2 times not to do already that day and the next consequence was to lose tball... well he had to test, so he lost it...Mind you this was going to be my first break at home in almost 2 weeks and I was desperately looking forward to a quiet house for an hour but gotta do the right thing... He starts having a throw down fit and if you've never seen Gabe throw a fit, it is something... really is... He is literally a crazy boy when it's happening, he's jumping, screaming, running in circles... repeating again and again "I want to go to t ball..." It lasts anywhere from 10-30 usually if at home... If out, from the time we get him in the car until we reach home usually...If at home, I try my best to remain calm and pray out loud while he can hear me "Dear Jesus, please help ME remain calm and help Gabe know that he cannot act this way and that it hurts you and mommy for him to do this, etc..." This is something I started doing a while back after realizing we are supposed to pray to the Lord about ANYTHING that is a problem to us, to bring it to Him.. and after losing my temper and way too many times, I realized prayer could be good for both of us... I then continue to pray quietly and busy myself until he's done...I believe in spanking and time out for certain things but when Gabe is having these... with my recent physical issues with back and leg, I'm just not willing to risk hurting myself worse by trying to constrain him or carry him to his room.. he's a big boy and it's literally dangerous for him to flail around in my arms while he's doing this.. so I just walk away and try my best to pretend there is not a crazy 3 year old in my midst! Eventually, he stops, and returns to sweet Gabe where he says he's sorry and wants hugs... crazy....And it's amazing how when I've spent time with the Lord that day, he will give me a peace as I go through it, to remember, it is a phase and just continue to pray that God will help Gabe love HIM and want to please HIM, children obey your parents :)
In any case, he was balling when Jay picked up Jayce for practice... I knew it would definitely make a mark so that's good...But sweet Jayce saw his brother so sad and I saw him start to wipe under his eyes, he said "Now let's wipe these tears off your face little bro, you got to smile for me..." then he started to make silly faces to make him laugh...
It was here, after the craziness of the fit, the frustration that we had yet ANOTHER one just when things started to seem to be better... that I realized, I'm doing something right... Jayce is the sweetest big brother to Gabe and was so trying to cheer him up... and Gabe, he got it and is ready to play Thursday... assuming no fits between now and then... I love them fits and all, this too shall pass...
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Happy 6th Birthday Jayce
Dear Jayce,
You are 6 years old today and I CANNOT believe how time has flown by! We pulled out the baby book tonight and it truly seems like only yesterday we brought you home!
You actually looked a year older to me this morning when you came downstairs, you have hit a growth spurt and are super tall and even are losing some of that belly! You're the tallest on your t ball team this year!
You chose tonight to have a small bday family party with only your nanny and grandaddy and mimi and papa, because you said you wanted to "be with the ones you really love on your bday." This was precious and this is so much of why I love you!
You have the most tender heart in the world, you cry every time your mimi and papa leave to head back to Columbia.. you love them that much! You love your family so much! Today you said you were moving to Virginia as soon as you were 27 to live with your cousins :)
I asked your favorite food today, you said candy... not surprising, then you said spaghetti if it had to be a real food... So for your dinner we had spaghetti and ice cream cake for dessert as you do not really care for real bday cake!
Today for lunch I brought you Zaxby's and balloons and we got to have a date at our own table in the lunchroom! You were so proud to hold up your rice krispy treat to show your friends! I left a big cookie for your class to enjoy at snack time and you were super excited about that! I loved the look I got when I came in with your treats! Like you were on top of the world and so proud it was your special day!
Jayce you are so much fun! When you are not here, mommy is not quite sure what to do because the house is SO QUIET! I am so thankful to have such a sweet, funny, talkative, caring, yet ALL BOY and strong willed little boy at that! I want you to use all of these characteristics to serve your Heavenly Father in any way you can throughout your life!
You love Jesus and to talk about him and are full of good questions about Him. You are loving kids choir right now!You are playing t ball this year with little brother on the team! Your best friend in school is Braden you said today... sometimes it varies... along with girlfriends...and girlfriends this year have been :Hallie, Marry Ella, Aleah, possibly now Melana, but you're being shy on this one...You're very funny talking about them, and tell me that sometimes you and your friends trade them and they've never even known they were your girlfriend in the first place :) Please don't be mad at mommy for writing this one day, it's really a cute story!
What mommy might love most about you right now is your adorable smile and laugh when you think something is really funny! I also love the way you raise your eyebrows and give a half smile and shake your head when your brother is being silly! Oh yea, and how much you love that brother! You said to him today, my best friend is someone sitting right here and gave him the biggest hug! He is so lucky to have you Jayce and I KNOW that you will always take good care of him :)
Happy Birthday Jaybird! We love you so much and I thank God each day for the little boy you've become and will become :)
Truly Blessed,
Your Mommy
You are 6 years old today and I CANNOT believe how time has flown by! We pulled out the baby book tonight and it truly seems like only yesterday we brought you home!
You actually looked a year older to me this morning when you came downstairs, you have hit a growth spurt and are super tall and even are losing some of that belly! You're the tallest on your t ball team this year!
You chose tonight to have a small bday family party with only your nanny and grandaddy and mimi and papa, because you said you wanted to "be with the ones you really love on your bday." This was precious and this is so much of why I love you!
You have the most tender heart in the world, you cry every time your mimi and papa leave to head back to Columbia.. you love them that much! You love your family so much! Today you said you were moving to Virginia as soon as you were 27 to live with your cousins :)
I asked your favorite food today, you said candy... not surprising, then you said spaghetti if it had to be a real food... So for your dinner we had spaghetti and ice cream cake for dessert as you do not really care for real bday cake!
Today for lunch I brought you Zaxby's and balloons and we got to have a date at our own table in the lunchroom! You were so proud to hold up your rice krispy treat to show your friends! I left a big cookie for your class to enjoy at snack time and you were super excited about that! I loved the look I got when I came in with your treats! Like you were on top of the world and so proud it was your special day!
Jayce you are so much fun! When you are not here, mommy is not quite sure what to do because the house is SO QUIET! I am so thankful to have such a sweet, funny, talkative, caring, yet ALL BOY and strong willed little boy at that! I want you to use all of these characteristics to serve your Heavenly Father in any way you can throughout your life!
You love Jesus and to talk about him and are full of good questions about Him. You are loving kids choir right now!You are playing t ball this year with little brother on the team! Your best friend in school is Braden you said today... sometimes it varies... along with girlfriends...and girlfriends this year have been :Hallie, Marry Ella, Aleah, possibly now Melana, but you're being shy on this one...You're very funny talking about them, and tell me that sometimes you and your friends trade them and they've never even known they were your girlfriend in the first place :) Please don't be mad at mommy for writing this one day, it's really a cute story!
What mommy might love most about you right now is your adorable smile and laugh when you think something is really funny! I also love the way you raise your eyebrows and give a half smile and shake your head when your brother is being silly! Oh yea, and how much you love that brother! You said to him today, my best friend is someone sitting right here and gave him the biggest hug! He is so lucky to have you Jayce and I KNOW that you will always take good care of him :)
Happy Birthday Jaybird! We love you so much and I thank God each day for the little boy you've become and will become :)
Truly Blessed,
Your Mommy
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